Creating time for family and crochet has always been a matter of choosing the apple or the orange for me. I would get lost in my own world, crocheting away with Netflix blaring into the wee hours of the morning. My fellow makers can contest to that as some of you may have done or still do the same. Doing this was my “escape.” But how far can you “escape” without losing out on reality?
I became sleep deprived, I missed out on family time, and I resented going to work- the one that paid the bills. We can all face it that crochet is slow and may not cover all our bills as we may wish to have. Staying up late and working a 9 to 5 did not mesh. I salute those that can survive off a few hours sleep. Driving to work in the mornings became such a burden. I would be so tired and I didn’t want to go because you know...crochet is life. I felt as if the 8+ hours I spent at work and commuting ate away at the time I could’ve spent working on me, my business, and my goals. And as much as I hate to admit it; the resentment showed.
All those mixed emotions transferred over into my professional and artistic work. It came to a point I didn’t want to crochet anymore...what was the point if I didn’t have the time? I couldn’t think through a pattern or a new idea I had thought of. My brain was in turmoil. I was stressing over these matters of contentions internally and I also was preparing for half of my family moving 6+ hours away from me. The tears I cried. All I wanted to do was spend as much time as I could with my family. So I did just that...un-apologetically.
That's when it hit me. They needed me more than I needed crochet. And I needed them just as bad. I’ve come to realize that I couldn't be happy without one or the other. My family and crochet goes hand in hand. They are my drive to create. They are my first supporters and I neglected them mentally and socially.
When I decided to take a hiatus off social media I was worried about losing engagement. What would really happen if I didn’t post or share any stories at least three times a week as I used to? Then I slapped myself and asked...does it really matter? Too many times I give in to my uncertainty over the wrong things. Taking a break from social media was what I needed to get my mind back on track. I took the time to reflect on a lot of things. What does family mean to me? Who are my friends? What did I really want out of my business? Even though I don’t have all the answers to my questions, I know for a fact right now that I’m on MY path.. Eventually they’ll get answered and in the right time.
My countless unfinished #wips benefited from my little hiatus. I was able to complete most of them and get started on the promised projects I had committed myself to. One of the best things that happened over my little break is the inspiration I got for my latest project- the Sabrina Sweetheart Top. A high school friend of mine messaged me that she had some yarn she would like to get rid of and so I picked out a few skeins. As I sat there thinking what I would do with more yarn- the idea popped in my head. Make something that inhibits you and what you feel, better yet how you feel. Without swatching, without a plan, I picked up my hook and took a go at it. I let my mind take its course and do what she wanted to do. A little bit of everything went into the Sabrina Sweetheart Top. I took inspiration even from the weather. Something winter-ish, yet springy and it was the best thing I’ve made in a long time. And so I named her after my friend - because who knows if I would have gotten the inspiration for this top hadn’t she given me the yarn for it. Sabrina, thank you. I also want to personally thank my yarn friends and followers. So many of you reached out to me to share words of encouragement and share a light of hope. I needed you too. I appreciate all of you for all the kind words said. You’ve helped me wake up out of this slump I let myself fall into.
I’ve decided to share my story with you because I know there are many others out there that are struggling to find their way in whatever it may be. Its okay to slow down and rewind. Not having everything all figured out is perfectly fine. As a rigidly structured person, I’m learning to relax and take things one day at a time. If I don’t have it all planned out, I know someone who does. God’s plan was always better anyways. Let things flow naturally. The ideas will come when you least expect it. Do not compare yourself to others. I know it’s easier said than done, but everyone has their time and their season. Your success is not based on the likes of others. Make time to trust and believe that God has you on the right path, no matter how hard it gets. And remember we are our own worst critics. Don’t let YOU get in the way of God’s plan for YOU.